Chapter Six: Who Is ‘She’
Copyright © by J. Faith Kenney
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission.
I wake up the next morning still in Zac’s bed. He still has one arm around me, and his other hand holds his phone. Looking up to him, not removing my head from his chest.
“Why didn’t you get me up or something like that?” I ask, still groggy with sleep.
“Well, first”—Zac sets his phone down on the night table and looks at me—“I didn’t want to wake you.” I roll my eyes. “And second, I really can’t feel my arm.”
I sit up, giving his arm a gentle slap before he moves it to give it a squeeze with his opposite hand. My body turns to him as I cross my legs, looking up to him with a small smile.
“Why did you never give up on me, or never stop trying to be my friend?” I ask him.
“Well, when you first came to the orphanage, I saw the way you pushed people away. I made a little deal with myself that someday I’d be your friend, no matter how long it took.”
“Even when we got older?”
“I’m still here, aren’t I? Besides, I knew we were friends before this, before we even left the orphanage. I don’t know. After we left, it felt natural to check up on you to make sure you were safe.”
Nodding, I turn my head to face my lap, releasing a heavy sigh. “You really don’t know me though, and I don’t really know you—since I was pushing you away.”
“We know the basics and the one big event that changed each of our lives. The event that took us to the orphanage. And that on its own says a lot about each other.”
But you don’t know the real reason—the main reason my parents and Lily left me to die. “I guess you’re right.” In some ways.
“Now we have a better understanding of each other, and over time the little stuff will come out.”
Nodding, I get off the bed. “Well, I have to get ready for work. Change out of these scrubs into a fresh, clean pair.” I take a step closer to the door before stopping. Zac gets up, ready for his shower as well. “Zac.” He stops and looks me right in the eyes. “Thanks for not giving up on me even after all these years.”
He smiles with a small nod. “Thanks for not pushing me away completely.”
I nod with a smile and head to the door as he heads to the bathroom door. I open the door just to stop midway in the doorframe and turn back around. Zac already has his mind set for the bathroom, thinking I already left the room.
“Zac?”
He comes out of the bathroom with a little worry. “Yes, Thela.” His voice calm, not a hint of annoyance in his tone.
“Can you help me find Tess?” My voice low, my throat tight from losing a patient to a sick game.
“Of course.”
“Thanks. Guess you are my personal guard in a way,” I finish, trying to lighten the mood as the terrible thoughts of what happened to Tess pop up.
“Thela,” he says, locking eyes with mine and making my breath tremble just a little. “All I have set out to do in my life is to protect you from any danger. I would take a punch, a cut, or a bullet for you.”
I nod, not knowing what else to say because I know he means every word. Just don’t take your life for me. I head back to my room, and we both get ready for the day.
. . .
Everywhere I turn, my pager goes off for some completely different kind of emergency surgery—my specialty. Two emergency surgeries. Four emergency surgeries. Five emergency surgeries, and the fifth one drains me. It lasted three hours, and it is only 7:10 p.m. I finally get a chance to take a breath as I lean my head against the assessment board.
Today has been so busy with emergencies that as soon as I left the operation room, I felt like I was right back in with a new patient for something completely new. Ever since seven in the morning when I stepped foot on the grounds of The Helping Care Shelter, my pager has been going off, leaving me with no chance to check up on my own patients, or a chance to eat.
I guess I should get Adam Taylor done and over with. I take one more breath before grabbing his chart and heading to his room. I knock softly on the doorframe, and he smiles with a little chuckle.
“Ah, Caretender Thela. What a surprise. Well, not really,” he says while chuckling again to himself.
“Can I come in?” I ask, trying my best to put sweetness in my tone.
“Well of course.”
“Sorry I haven’t checked up on you sooner. It has been busy around here.”
“Don’t worry. I am in a hospital, and I have no clue what actual time it is or the day,” he says with a smile.
“Right.” It bothers me how cheery you are. No, it irritates me.
I hold my tongue, clenching my hand into a fist as I walk over to the side of his bed and begin to take his pulse. He faces the other way, humming a little happy tune to himself and raising my thin nerves more.
“You know, you are young.” He turns his head toward me. “Are you married or seeing anyone?” he asks.
My mind doesn’t register what he asked at first. “Why are you asking me that? It is personal.” My voice a little harsh.
“Oh, I know. I am just seeing if you have a family and all that. Just trying to get to know my Caretender.”
I shudder at the word “family” and try my best not to show it. “No, I am not married or seeing anyone. What about yourself?” I say, regretting it.
He hesitates. “I had a family once. My wife died, and I had a son too. But I gave him up to the orphanage, hoping he would have a better life than a life with me. I had a lot of problems with my liver because I did drink a lot before I got married. I wanted to be a good dad, and I could have been, but I didn’t do anything that I don’t regret. That time all passed in a blur for me. I was really sad and almost went back to drinking. I don’t really remember what happened in those days.”
Trying my best to keep my face the same, I bite down on my lip, tasting a little bit of blood, and swallow down the words.
You don’t know what happened, but I do. You beat your kid, your child. You were too drunk to even remember that, though. You wanted to be a good father? Well you screwed that up. The Protecttenders took Zac away from you. You didn’t give him up on your free will!
My thoughts are screaming in my head, threatening to come out of my mouth. “Will you excuse me?” I ask, my voice tight.
I leave the room, not knowing what he said, if Adam said anything at all. I want so badly to scream at Adam, to tell him what I know. To scream that he is lying right through his teeth. That I know the truth. Anger and irritation boils red hot under my skin, pumping adrenaline through my veins.
He wants me to feel sorry for him. I will never, you lying asshole who wants everyone to think you’re a good person.
Another Caretender comes up, tapping me on the shoulder. “Thela, Thela.” Her excited voice settles my anger down.
“What?” I ask, bringing my voice back down to normal.
“Follow me, I have some exciting news.”
I follow as she leads me to the security camera room in the hospital next to Carrie’s office. She goes to a laptop at the end with excitement buzzing from her skin. I look to her, and she nods for me to press the “Play” button.
On the screen appears the corner of the hospital nearest where one would leave the Shelter grounds completely. Tess appears walking with someone, but they are too far out of range for the cameras to pick up the other person’s face or what they are wearing. Tess looks wobbly, her eyes not focusing on one thing, and her body sways. It looks like she is drunk—or drugged. I look at the time stamp of the day she went missing.
“Do we know who that is?” I ask, pointing to someone’s boot.
“No, that is the last camera, and the person is too out of range to see who it is.”
Nodding, I take a few steps back from the screen. “Thanks for showing me.”
Feeling like this proves nothing just fills me with more panic about who could have taken her. I head to the Caretender tent to take a breather and absorb that Tess is out there—alive maybe. She is out in the world, but sick. She can die at any moment, really.
A sensation of someone watching me comes over me, making cold fear strike my heart. I look around but there is no one. Quickening my steps, I am glad to find the Caretender tent filled with about a dozen others. I pick a cot right in the middle of the tent, and the feeling lingers but it’s not as strong. Tentatively, I lie down and close my eyes.
🧠
The memory takes a while to focus, and even when it does, it creates a blurry film over my eyes. My head feels fuzzy, like it is spinning at a slow rate. My pulse is slow, pumping my blood slowly and heavily throughout my body. Every step I take hits the gravel ground, and I feel it through my whole body.
This isn’t my memory. My breaths get caught in the wind as I look around, knowing I am at The Helping Care Shelter. It’s a memory of someone drugged.
Tess appears, walking wobbly like in the video, and she is the only thing in clear focus. The rest of the memory is blurry with flashes of colors behind her that don’t belong there. The sound of the person walking next to her intensifies in my ears, making my head pound.
This is Tess’s memory of getting kidnapped, but why is it so fuzzy, why can’t I see it clearly? Why does it feel like I am the one who got drugged? Even my own thoughts are sluggish.
Tess’s voice fills my ears, but her voice is slower, and her words get tangled up with each other.
“I am so happy we are getting away. I feel like I can walk to the moon.” She giggles, about to turn down an alley, but a hand reaches out and grabs her.
“This way, Tess, only a little bit longer.” The voice sounds familiar, but it is filled with grief, almost regret.
“You are so handsome, and, and always so kind. To me. Even though I am a Neuroner.”
“Shh, keep your voice down.”
Tess nods, looking straight ahead. The memory blurs into a new one with only Tess and a white van in focus. Other people are around, but their faces are just blurs standing in a uniform line. The ones closest to the van’s back open the doors and shove Tess inside. She screams as the door shuts, leaving me in darkness.
My heart quickens and my head starts to spin. It feels like I am about to fall but can’t. All I can see is darkness until a single light about ten feet ahead of me turns on. Underneath is a girl in a hospital bed, not quite the same as the hospital beds at the Shelter.
With each step, more careful than the last, I walk closer to it unsure what to think. The closer I get the slower I go, until I come to a stop.
“Tess,” I breathe, running up to her, not careful anymore.
To my own surprise, I can touch Tess, which I never could before. She looks me right in the eyes, then her eyes look behind me, but no one is there. It’s only me and her, and I can’t tell if this is a memory or not.
“Thela.” Her voice raspy. She grabs my hand, and her fingertips are ice cold like she is already dead.
“What?” I ask, not knowing if this is real or part of a dream.
“She knows who you are. She knows you are a Neuroner, and she wants to push you to your limits to be her pet because she wants power.”
“She? Who is she?”
Tess’s eyes slowly flitter as the heart rate monitor goes in a straight line. The continuous beep echoes off the walls, off my body. Tess’s hand drops to the side of her, the last of her to move. I try to reach out and touch her, but an invisible force blocks me.
“Tess!” I cried out with fear, my blood flowing faster than my body can handle.
My vision blurs and my whole body starts to shake. Everything around me is black, and I can’t see anything at all.
“She’s coming,” someone whispers in my ear, sending a chill down my spine. My breathing starts to pick up, and I try to scream out, but the screams get caught in my throat.
🧠
I wake up, sitting up quickly with sweat streaming down my face. My breath still comes in heaves as I take a look around the tent. Only two other people are in there with me. One by the kitchen too far to hear my breaths. The other a couple of cots down, sleeping peacefully. I get up, keeping a watchful eye, nerves jangling as I head to the community shower to take one.
How could I interact with Tess in that memory, if it was a memory at all? If it was, then Tess is dead—but she can’t be. And if that is true, who is “she” and when is “she” coming? That had to be a bad dream. Even though I don’t necessarily think it is.
After the shower I head back to the hospital to finish off the day with some notes to take home. Walking by Tess’s room, I slow my footsteps and see Lucas standing in the room, taking some notes. With me not even realizing it, I am in Tess’s room, standing by Lucas. He looks up to me, but I only stare at the bed.
“Sorry, Lucas,” I say just above a whisper.
“For what? I am only doing my assessment and investigating what happened here,” he says firmly, with rudeness.
I shrug off the rudeness, knowing he is just in pain for the loss of Tess. “Do you know what happened?” I ask.
“What are you saying, Thela?” His voice is the same as the one in my memory—filled with grief, almost regret.
I look up at him with knowing fear. It was you. You are the one who took Tess, but in the memory of not a memory Tess said “she.” You are working for someone to capture Neuroners.
“Nothing.” It comes out weaker than I had intended. Clearing my throat before speaking again. “Was just asking if you found anything, that’s all.” My voice back to normal.
“Oh, well if I had, I couldn’t tell you until the case is closed.”
“Okay,” I say, nodding before leaving the room quickly.
Beep, beep. My pager goes off causing me to jump at the sudden noise I am used to. No codes of danger for something wrong, just the code that Zac is here to pick me up. I look down at my watch and read 9:45 p.m. I grab my notes before quickly leaving the hospital to get into Zac’s car.
. . .
Zac makes dinner for the both of us and retreats to the couch as I retreat to my room. The notes are spread out in front of me as I sit on the bed reading them over and over again. “She.” Tess said “she.”
The picture of the blue house stares back at me. Mocking the fear I have and the family I used to have. Picking up the picture, I examine it more closely.
“It was when I lived there. The house isn’t destroyed.” I breathe out loud.
Throwing the picture down, I pick up the first note to reread it again. The last line I read over and over. “I will give you a clue about who I am. I know all about you, but you don’t know me. That is, what you remember, if any.”
She. Lily. My mind goes blank as the name Lily hangs over my head.
The pieces fit. She knew I was a Neuroner even before I knew what that meant. But she thinks I am dead. How or when could she have found out I am still alive? Why would she want me? She wants me for the reward. She always did hold a grudge.
My breathing wavers as I crumple the papers in my hands and stick them in my scrubs pocket. Fumbling with the doorknob before it opens, I go to Zac’s bedroom door and knock.
“Over here, Thela,” Zac says as he turns off the television and gets up.
I turn to him and before I can reach him, I blurt, “I know who has Tess.” My voice rises with excitement. “Lily.”
“Lily your sister?” he asks and I nod. “How do you know?”
“Because of these,” I say, pulling the notes out of my pocket. One falls to the floor. “And because of something else.” My voice back to normal.
“Wait, hold on, what are these?” he asks, picking up one from my hand.
“Notes I got at work that really scared me because, um, they scare me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he says, opening up the one in his hands and reading it to himself.
Guilt comes over me as I pick up the note that fell on the ground and take a tiny step back from him. “I-I shouldn’t have-”
“Thela, tell me the truth. What is going on, and what is this note even saying? ‘Soon more people will find out,’ about what?”
“I can’t-” Stopping myself, I take a deep breath, remembering this is the guy who never, NEVER gave up on me. Who always made sure I was okay. “I trust you, Zac, I really do. Remember how in the orphanage I pushed you and anybody who tried to get close to me away?”
He nods and I take another deep breath, squeezing my fingertips from nervousness, not looking him in the eyes. “Well, what I am about to say may make you scared of me, and may make you want to turn me in for the prize.” I take a quick glance at him, and he looks confused about what I am trying to say.
My whole body tenses. My palms sweat and I try to rub it away, but it only makes them sweatier. My heart beats loudly in my ears, and my chest feels like there is two hundred pounds on it suffocating me. I take another small step to the door, knowing this is the last time I will ever see Zac.
Goodbye, Zac. Sorry you ever wasted any time with me, a monster.
“Zac.” My voice slows, and I make sure I look him in the eyes, even though my eyes want to look away. “I am a Neuroner.” My voice barely louder than a whisper, but he hears me and his eyes go wide.
Tears start to build and I turn toward the door to leave. The tears fall, blurring my vision, but only one thing is on my mind. Leave, and run as fast as I can. My hand finds the doorknob turning it slightly, and the door opens. Before I can even get a foot open, the door closes again with a force that isn’t mine. I look up to Zac’s hand above me and slowly turn to him, leaning on the door for support.
Zac smiles a small smile and looks at me with a look that says everything is going to be alright, which confuses me. His hand on the door drops down to cup my cheek. He wipes away the tears with his thumb, staring directly into my eyes. He doesn’t threaten me, or make me feel like he is going to turn me in.
“I am not going to turn you in, Thela,” he states softly, moving closer to my face so I can feel his heavy, steady breath on my neck.
“Why? What are you going to do?” My voice can’t go louder than a whisper.
“I am going to protect you from any harm. And why? Because right now you need it the most.”
“You are not scared of me?”
“No. I understand now why you push people away.” He takes a step back, allowing me to come in completely. “I don’t care if you are a Neuroner, and I am not going to let anything happen to you. I know what people would do to you, because for our whole lives people have always said if we find a Neuroner, we must turn them in for the money. I don’t care, though. I care for you, and I want to make sure you are safe and not some lab rat or dead.”
I take a step closer to him, leaving only an inch between us before wrapping my arms around him tightly for a hug. Zac does the same, not letting me go. I know I am safe in his arms.
Maybe everything will be alright, after all.