Chapter Nine: The Taste of Death
Copyright © by J. Faith Kenney
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission.
Before I even wake up, the room is busy. People are at the different stations with the lights already blinding me and giving me a migraine as soon as my eyes open. Cole notices I am up, and he waves his hand to someone who has a tray of breakfast for me. He checks the monitor with a smile before turning to me and placing the tray on my lap.
“How did you sleep?” he asks, not really caring.
“Fine.” If you call two hours of rough sleep fine. “Thanks for the breakfast,” I say, not making any sort of eye contact with him, only looking down to the plate of rubbery eggs, plastic-looking pancakes, and a banana that is the only thing that looks safe to eat.
“Don’t worry about it. You are the guest of honor here.” I look up to him with doubt and confusion. “Now please take this after you eat your breakfast.”
He places a medicine cup on the nearest machine where it will be easy for me to reach it. The medicine cup is filled with the same bubbly liquid I took before. I nod and he smiles back with power before turning his attention to the monitor, looking pleased with himself.
After eating only a few bits of the pancakes and eggs, I turn to my banana, hoping it will satisfy my hunger. At every station at least two people are talking to each other. Some watch their computer screen, while others just talk, looking at me.
They are all studying me, watching my every move. I can’t let them win or let my mind slip. No one actually cares for me, they’re too scared of me. But with guards standing so close, they’re not as scared to watch my mind from afar. Is this what Tom Groover went through? Every second of every day begging, being watched, being studied?
I set the empty banana peel on the tray beside me. Looking up to Cole with a sigh that I have been holding in before looking at the medicine cup. I stare at the cup as it mocks me with torment. Cole turns his attention to me after he realizes I am not taking the liquid, just staring at it. His mouth opens to say something, but I stop him by reaching over and swallowing it.
The taste of burnt food takes over my entire body, it’s the only thing I can smell and taste. Show no sign of weakness with the medication, it will only bring them more joy. Resisting the urge to twitch, I act like it’s no big deal. A twitch comes that I can’t stop as the liquid hits the pit of my stomach. Cole smiles that powerful, giddy smile, making my skin crawl as he turns back to the monitor.
As I place the medicine cup back on the machine, Lily walks in with Zac and two guards behind her. The guards shove Zac to the nearest corner. Their grips on him tightening. He stares at me only for a second before he turns to look at Lily. I wish it was longer. His eyes turn to hatred that I have never seen before in him, for disgust for what she is doing to me.
“How are you feeling?” asks Lily, grabbing my breakfast tray and handing it to Cole, who hands it to another.
“Fine. Why is he here?” I ask, looking over to Zac only for a second.
“To observe. Why, do you know him?” Her voice filled with worry.
I look back at Zac, not holding his eyes at all before looking back to Lily. “No,” shaking my head.
“Good.” Her voice unusually calm. “We are going to get started, then.”
“What are we doing?”
“The usual,” she states simply, trying to push my shoulder down to make me lie down, but I don’t budge.
“What is the usual? I don’t remember. Is that normal?”
“We are testing different parts of your brain, to see how well you perform the different obstacles. After today you will remember them. Thela, as your owner, I wouldn’t put you in any harm.”
Zac laughs from deep in his chest, and I can tell he rolls his eyes. Don’t turn around. Lily looks up and sneers at him over my shoulder. Zac doesn’t say any more even though I can tell he wants to. Lily looks back at me and smiles.
“Does he have to be in here?” I ask, my voice low.
“Yes.” She turns to look at Cole and he nods to her. The all set sign. “Can you please lie down and try to relax?”
Nodding, I lie down on the cold metal table and close my eyes. The world is black around me, but in seconds a piercing, blinding white light takes over.
🧠
My eyes open to the bright light of the sun shining through the trees. I sit up on a patch of dirt with trees all around. The woods. My breaths are steady but heavy as I stand up.
Kr-kraa. The intense sound of buzzing insects comes toward me from behind. Slowly, I turn around with fear to see about a hundred crows and a thousand or more insects in one blurry shape. They come faster and faster, getting closer to me. The buzzing and kr-kaaing grow louder and louder.
Turning back around, in the same second, my legs are pumping, running in and out of the trees. The noise follows me and every step gets harder, but lighter at the same time. Far away, but getting nearer in front of me, there are no trees, not even the dirt of the ground.
Cliff. CLIFFF!
Ten feet in front of the cliff, I stop abruptly, sliding on the dirt and almost falling off. My chest heaves, my breaths heavy as I try to weigh my options with my mind racing. The dark, soulless, black crows and the black, tiny insects still come after me, not slowing down. I look down the cliff to the crashing, violent waves that will swallow me whole. Panic rises, taking over my mind too much for me to even put two words together.
Kr-kraa. Buzz. Kr-kraa. Buzz. Kr-kraa! Buzz! KR-KRAA! BUZZ!
Jump! My feet don’t move. They are planted on the edge of the cliff. I try turning around, but it is too late. KR-KRAAAA! BUZZZZZ! The bugs crawl on my skin, wrapping themselves around my body. The crows peck at my skin and swarm around, pushing me. They pull at everything—pulling my hair out, pulling chunks of skin, and pulling at my clothes, putting holes in them. The insects crawl into my ears, filling them with buzzing that is unbearable, while others eat away at my skin.
“AAAHHH!” I scream, swatting at my skin and the air to get them to go away, but it is no use. There are too many of them.
“Fight them!” Lily’s voice mixes in with the other noises. “Show them what you are worth!”
I try swatting at them harder, only hurting myself. It is no use, there are too many of them. Again and again I try swatting, but they only seem to multiply.
“I CAN’T!” I shout at the top of my lungs, and insects fill my mouth, going down my throat.
The insects make me gag, and all I can see is darkness. No feathers, no little insect wings, but all I can hear is them. My knees lock, and the crows and insects push me backward closer to the cliff edge. Losing my footing on the edge, I fall with nothing for me to grab on to. The pecking, the eating, and the noise stops but is replaced with my screaming, which burns my lungs more.
SHHPLSSS! Water fills my lungs, drowning me as the strong, rapid current pulls me down. I try swimming up, but only get pushed back down after a second of air. The waves swallow me, and water fills my lungs as they scream for air. Finally breaking the surface, I heave in air, and it rushes back into me between coughs of water.
With just enough air for me to live, something pulls me back down with a hard yank. Thrusting, screaming to get free, I feel the thing tighten its grip on my ankle. I try pulling myself up to the surface, but it only pulls me down farther and farther into the icy-cold water.
I kick until the grip loosens enough for me to be free. With the little strength I have left, I pull myself to the surface to only get a glimpse of fresh air before getting pulled back down. It grabs both of my legs with an even harder grip, reducing my chances for any air to zero.
I look down to the clear blue water and a black blur is holding on to me. Trying with all my strength to reach down to shake it off, but my hands only land on my knees. Come on. Inching my hand to the edge of the black blur, finally touching it. It grabs ahold of my hand, and my legs float behind me.
It looks up to me with its pure yellow eyes, stealing my soul. It is a figment of a person—a shadow really with only pure yellow eyes.
Everything stops around us. The current of the water stops. The coldness stops. My lungs screaming for air stop. The black blur’s grip on my hand fades away, but I don’t go anywhere. The noise around us stops, and it is only me and the black blur.
We stare at each other for a few long seconds. The black blur screams horrifically before swimming down to the black water. With that, everything comes back to life, reminding me I am in water and I can’t breathe. My lungs scream as I try to make it to the surface, but the current pushes me down again.
Breaking the surface of the water for a breath, as the bright, blinding light takes over, and I can’t feel my body.
🧠
Back in the room on the table . . . Rolling to my side while coughing and spitting out water that is in my lungs onto myself and the floor. My breaths are not steady or even breaths at all. The tube to my IV gets ripped out of my skin by my body shaking uncontrollably.
“Thela. Thela.”
I hear my name, the voice filled with concern, but I don’t know who is calling me. It feels like the inside of my body is collapsing onto itself, drowning in water and insects. My insides burn with pain, and it feels like the insects are eating away at my lung tissue.
Cole grabs me gently, making me lie back down on my back again. Lily is right there with concern and worry, but she doesn’t reach out to touch my hand.
“How did you do that?” she asks, her voice calm.
“Do what?” I ask weakly.
“Make the blur go away while you were in the water?”
“I don’t know,” I say, turning my head to the side to spit up more water.
With the last of the water coming up, a little insect comes out of my mouth, making a loud buzzing noise. No one else seems to notice it, and I don’t know if it is my imagination or not, but I stare at the little insect with disbelief.
Lily looks at the monitor, then back to me, and lightly touches my forearm. I look to her hand before looking up to her, and she quickly moves it to her side. “Thela, you were stable throughout the whole thing.” Her voice calm as she looks to Cole. “Do we still have her?”
“Yes, ma’am, all intact,” he answers, not taking his eyes off the computer screen.
Lily nods and mumbles to herself “good.” She gives me one last look like she cares about me before walking out of the room. Stable? I certainly didn’t feel stable throughout the whole thing, but I heard what I wanted to hear.
Cole steps closer to the table, takes off the helmet, and finishes taking out the partly ripped IV. He looks over his shoulder toward Zac with a smug, happy smile before he looks back at me and helps me sit up. Right away I feel dizzy, like I am going to vomit and faint.
I look up to Zac, seeing the fear, the horror in his eyes, as well as how tense his whole body is. Our eyes meet and he mouths the words Come back to me, his breath heavy with each word. One of his guards notices me staring, and he shoves Zac to the door and to his cell.
“Are you sure you don’t know him?” asks Cole.
I look up to him, releasing a breath that doesn’t burn. “Yes, I am sure. I wouldn’t lie to my owner or the people working for her. I am just curious, that is all.”
“Well don’t be,” he snaps, turning to the monitor. “He is just a prisoner.”
“Then why does he-”
“I am going to take you for a walk to get you some water and for you to clean yourself,” Cole says, quickly changing the discussion like it was never happening.
He starts walking to the door, and when it opens he turns back to me with a giddy smile, making my stomach turn. “Are you coming?” he asks.
I nod and quickly get to my feet, but almost fall within a couple of steps. My head spins along with everything in front of me. Cole sticks out his arm, and I see three of them, but I shake my head.
“I am fine, I got this,” I say, not wanting to touch him or even be alone with him. Thank goodness for guards.
Cole shrugs as he continues to walk. “Suit yourself, I was just trying to help you.”
I don’t want your help. With him a few feet ahead of me and out of the room, I look around. The guards stay in their posts, not budging to follow. I stop, and Cole notices I am not following him anymore, he turns to me with irritation.
“What is wrong?” he asks.
“The guards,” motioning with my hand but not making too much movement. “They are not following us,” looking up but not directly in his eyes.
“They don’t need to. You are not a threat or prisoner.”
“Oh, then why was I in cuffs with guards all around me yesterday?”
“That was yesterday, and today is a new day. Now follow me because you have no choice.”
“Oh, okay,” closing the gap between us but keeping my distance from him.
I don’t like you. I don’t trust you or anyone who works for Lily. You guys only care about my mind, not actually me. I will leave this place one day.
We turn right at the first corner and turn left at the second corner, going up a flight of stairs. Each hallway looks the same to me, with white floors and a white ceiling. Different plants line the upper-level hallway, and there are windows at the end of each hallway. We reach a water fountain, and he stops, stepping to the side.
“Drink,” he commands, not a question, an order.
I nod, taking the step forward to the fountain, the closest I have ever been to Cole. Hesitantly, I bend down, eyeing him the whole time. As soon as the water touches my lips, my dry mouth and throat crave more. Gulping the water down because I haven’t seen a drop of water in days, and I don’t know when I’ll see it again.
Wiping my mouth on my arm, I take a little step back. He smiles and continues to walk a little ways before turning down another hall. Cole stops at a door before turning to me.
“In this room is a shower with everything you will possibly need to clean yourself with. In there as well is your new uniform, which you are required to wear at all times. You can throw those worthless pieces of clothing in the fire heating the room.”
I look down to my scrubs and my heart sinks. “Why do I have to burn them?”
“Don’t argue or ask questions of what I am telling you to do.” Snaps Cole. “You are just the Neuroner and we are your owners. You will do what I say.”
I nod. Thought just Lily was my owner, not you. He steps aside from the door, and it opens automatically when I step in front of it. I take a step in, glad to be alone, but Cole grabs my arm, making me look at him. I fight the urge to twitch from his touch and look right under his gray, killing eyes.
“I’ll be right outside the door if you need anything,” he states, more as a threat than anything else. “When you are done, you will be hooked back up to the mem-monitor for a new assessment, so enjoy the time you have to yourself. Soon that mind of yours will be back under watch.”
He lets go of my arm, smiling with power before taking a step back. I walk in the room, glad to be away from him. You want me to fear you, but I am never going to let that show to give you that pleasure.
The room is dark gray, almost black, with not a single light gray or white, in sight. The doors close, illuminating the real source of light. A tame fire in a cage behind bars along the walls lights up the room. In the back of the small room is the shower with an overhead faucet and a fireplace behind a glass. Benches are on both sides, with a towel on the towel rack connected to the shower. On the other bench, folded perfectly, are white, clean clothes. There are no mirrors, just a shower with the two outside benches.
Slowly, I walk to the shower and turn it on, already seeing the steam. I take one last look around the small bathroom before undressing and setting the scrubs on one of the benches, not ready to let them go quite yet.
The hot water touches my skin, erasing all the dirt and all the oils on it. My mind races through every thought, running like a madman. I am grateful not to be hooked up to the mem-monitor or to be under constant watch, like I have been since I got here. Flashes of Zac bleeding out on the floor go through my mind, along with how helpless I was to him. The hot tears fall, mixing with the hot shower water and the soap.
My body slides down the wall, and I hold my knees to my chest, letting the shower rain on my back. After so many hours here, I can finally break down and be muffled by the shower.
I am sorry, Zac. I put you through this and you almost died because of me. I can do this. I need to do this to keep you guys safe. Why did I ever think I was so special as a Neuroner and wouldn’t have an owner no matter how low I kept my profile?
The tears pour out, and I rock back and forth, wishing I could just be alone. Wishing I was normal. Wishing I had a different life—a better life. Neuroners aren’t a blessing, they are cursed.
I get out of the shower and dry myself off, brush out my hair with the provided brush, as well as brush my teeth with the provided toothbrush. I change slowly into the white clothes before sitting down on the bench with my scrubs in hand.
My heart is in my stomach as I stare down at them, officially saying goodbye to my old life. Picking them up like they are a piece of fragile artwork, I hold them close to me.
“Goodbye,” I whisper before feeding them to the fire between the bars. Watching them burn puts a hole in my heart, and it feels so wrong. They weren’t just scrubs, they represented my life—the good part of my life.
This is all to show that Lily owns me now. She can take everything away from me, which she is doing. But the one thing she can’t take away from me is my memories.
Before going back out to Cole, I braid my hair quickly like I did as a Caretender. One physical thing I can hold on to from my old life. I open the door to Cole standing against the opposite wall with the giddy smile of power that he really doesn’t have.
We walk back to the lab in silence. Lily and Zac with his guards are already in the room, waiting for me. I sit down on the table to be the real center of attention as Lily puts the helmet on me with a smile and a new IV in my arm. She looks to Cole, and he gives her a thumbs-up as I lie down.
She takes a step back with a smile that screams for all the wrong reasons. “Ready, Thela?” asks Lily.
Before I can answer, the blinding white light takes over.
🧠
Rain. Cold droplets hit my face and touch my bare skin. A water droplet lands right near my eye as my eyes open. The clouds are dark, and in the distance is a rumble of thunder with lightning following it. I sit up in a bed of dirt in a field.
Thunder drums with a quick flash of lightning. Wiping the dirt on my hands on to the white leggings, I stand up. Looking around, my breath getting caught on the howling wind that starts to pick up.
Wary, I start walking, my white slippers Lily gave me sinking into the moist dirt. CRASHHH! Turning around at the noise, with the wind getting stronger and almost pushing me forward. A tornado of the Black Blur picking up everything in its path, with the buzz of the birds and insects swirling it around.
My eyes widen with the panicky fear that pumps through my veins. I start running in the opposite direction, flinging dirt behind me as my feet sink more and more into the fields. My foot gets stuck, and I go down into the mud. Panicky for knowing to survive I must kick my foot free, but that only seems to make it worse.
The buzzing gets louder, telling me the tornado is near. Giving a couple more kicks of panic before covering my head right as the tornado swallows me. It throws me around like a football, buzzing loud in my ears with an evil laugh.
“You’re weak. I will kill you,” mocks a deep, hollow, soulless voice.
Black Blur. It is someone doing this to me in the lab. They created this. Getting pushed in circles by the wind making me dizzy as the tornado closes in around me.
“Then kill me already!” I scream back.
My insides start to scream at me to fight back, to not let this tornado kill me. It closes in even more, no longer throwing me around but letting me stay in place in the middle of the tornado. My breath becomes thin, the wind blasting in my lungs. The tornado inches closer to me, and my eyes close, knowing this is the end as I wrap my arms together in front of my head in an X shape.
Instead of the tornado crushing me and the buzzing eating me alive, it all stops. My hands shaking, and I slowly bring down my arms and open my eyes. The tornado swirls quietly in the distance away from me.
My arms come beside me, and I float safely down to the ground. A laugh of relief, of nerves, and impressment escape me. I manipulated the tornado. I saved myself with a connection to live.
The wind picks up again, and the Black Blur forms beside me with those same yellow eyes. My attention on my triumph vanishes as we stare at each other. It raises its hand and slaps me without even touching me, making me fly across the field.
Landing on my side, I cringe from the pain as the air is knocked out of me. Rolling onto my back, stunned from the pain, I try to catch my breath again. The Black Blur appears above me, and before I can move to get up, it picks me up and throws me across the field again.
I brace myself for the impact, but it never comes. Cautiously, I open my eyes to find myself lying on the kitchen floor in the blue house. My eyes roll to the back of my head as I sit up, feeling my head spin. Really. Rubbing my head because of the pounding.
The Black Blur appears in front of me, its yellow eyes staring down at me. Panic rises but falls, knowing that this time the Black Blur is not a threat to me. It walks out of the room, with a wave of its shadowy hand indicating for me to follow it. It takes me a moment to realize it before quickly getting to my feet to follow it.
It stands in the doorframe of the living room waiting for me. I approach behind it, staring at the rundown room.
“Why am I here?” I ask after a moment of silence.
“Shhhh,” is the only response I get.
The Black Blur waves its shadow arm to the run down living room, changing it to what it looked like when I was a child. My parents are the last things to appear in the room, talking—no arguing.
“—she is best at the orphanage!” screams my mother.
“But she is our daughter!” yells back my dad.
“I don’t care, she is too dangerous,” sobs my mother, not meaning those words. “We have another daughter to think about.”
“You don’t really believe that,” my dad calmly states, taking a step closer to her.
She shakes her head, the tears falling. “I look around here and all I can see is her. How she is not in our life anymore. It was our job to keep her safe, and later in her lifetime, she will pay the consequences.”
“That we made for her.”
“Would you rather see her get taken away from us?! Ripped right out of our arms? By doing this, she has a real chance at living way longer than what she would have living with us.”
The living room turns back to the run down living room just as fast as it appeared. My throat is tight as I slowly face the Black Blur again. They knew that whatever happened in my life, I would end up dead or with an owner.
“Why?” I ask, looking the Black Blur in the eyes. “Why did you show-”
It pushes me back into the wall, knocking the breath out of me. It doesn’t let me finish, as it starts running. I chase after it, out of the house and into the woods, scratching my bare skin on twigs and branches.
“Wait,” I call after it. “Please tell me why I am here. Please-”
I fall over a branch headfirst into the gravel on the woods floor. Seconds later, I push myself up, my head spinning. Blood runs down the side of my face with the sharp, burning pain of an open wound.
“CLEAR!” someone screams in my ear, but it seems fuzzy and far away. Zaps of electricity go through my whole body. Again the yell with the zap of electricity, before the blinding white light appears.
🧠
I shoot straight up, gasping for air, which rushes back into my lungs. Blood drips down, and I reach up touching the wound with shaky hands.
“What the hell happened to me?” I ask, trembling and out of breath with anger.
Lily steps forward and grabs my hand, which takes me aback. “Thela, you died for fifteen minutes.”
“What?”
A tear falls from Lily, and she only nods her head. I look at Zac, who is as white as a ghost with five guards holding him back. He wants to come and make sure I am alright. I am alright—no, I am not alright.
Dizziness sets in with numbing pain all over. I lie back down as the world around me disappears. I am there physically, but my mind is elsewhere.
. . .
Hours, maybe days, have passed when I open my eyes again. The lab is dim, and the IV and helmet are no longer attached to me. My breaths still comes in heaves, and I can feel the new stitches in my forehead by my brow moving with every breath.
My head turns, feeling the stare of Lily, who looks happy that I am up. Whether that is good or bad, I don’t know.
“Why are you here?” I ask, my mouth so dry.
She gets up from her seat, grabbing the glass of water from the floor and holding the straw up to my mouth. “To make sure you are alright. It has been a couple of hours since you—well, since your assessment.”
I drink the water before looking up to her. “Why didn’t you let me die?”
“I need you, Thela.” Her voice trails off, and she doesn’t look me in the eyes. “You are more powerful than you think, and I didn’t want to see you die in front of me. To know that I caused you to die…” She looks into my eyes like a sister, like a person who cares.
She doesn’t care. You had no problem walking me to my death when I was five.
“Thela, you are stronger, more valuable to me than all the others. If you had died, you would have hurt a lot of people.”
I look up toward the ceiling, not to her pleading, caring eyes. I would only hurt you. You and whatever plans you have for me. Your showcase, your prize, your Neuroner wouldn’t be alive to do whatever you want. All I am to you is your prize to society.